1) We worry that secretly we are a loser of no talent – except when we think we are a genius. There is no in between.
2) Compliments are meaningless unless they’re specific. ‘It’s funny!’ means you’re being polite. ‘I loved the joke about the horseradish on p 163’ is much better. However, we’ll take an unspecific compliment over none at all.
3) No conversation about our book, article or other precious work of art can ever be a) too long, b) too detailed or c) too complimentary.
4) We don’t always want to hear about how much you love Marian Keyes/John Banville/Dan Brown/insert name of author who most sort-of resembles us.
5) If we sent you our PWA (precious work of art) to read 3 weeks ago and we haven’t heard from you, that doesn’t mean you’ve been busy or your printer broke: it means you hate it and we are a loser of no talent (see point 1 above).
6) We do want, value and appreciate honest feedback. Not crushing, but definitely honest.
7) If you did like our book, we will love you forever. We’ll love you anyway, probably, but extra love for those who love our book. If you didn’t, that’s OK; just be brief.
8) Every time a celebrity author gets their ghost-written novel published, or a blogger earns 6 figures for their book of blog posts, something in us dies.
9) We’re not going to ‘put you in a book’. Don’t worry, you’re not that interesting (joking! Only joking!).
10) We LOVE comments.